I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
