You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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