Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
