i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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