The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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