She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
