Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
