Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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