I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
