I cannot find my penis.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
