How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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