I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
