just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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