Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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