We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
