i barfeds in our rink
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
