so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
