I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
