Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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