sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
