Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
