And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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