DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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