At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
