i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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