my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This baby is an asshole
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
