She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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