Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i love accidental penises.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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