i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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