that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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