Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize