she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
