I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
