I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
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My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize