I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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