So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
