is your mom at the bar?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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