I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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