So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
