I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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