Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
this just has baby written all over it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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