I just pynch a tree in the face
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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