Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Still dying that you shit outside
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
