just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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