I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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