I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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