Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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