It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
