She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
