Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
