i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Boobs speak an international language.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
