I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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