I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
