Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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