Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
