Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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