This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
