I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
