Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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