I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
