I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
