Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
