Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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