I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize