In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
