Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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