you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
