How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
