My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
