she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize