I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is the high leading the old right now
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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