i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
