party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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